Book Update: The Probability of Diamonds

"Even the most exquisite of diamonds does not shine in the dark." -M.K. Brown

Perhaps my previous post was a bit premature. While it was indeed true that I was offered a book deal for The Heart of the Graystone, I have decided to decline the offer. I should have done my homework BEFORE I submitted to this particular "publishing company".

I thought something was fishy when I received a notice of acceptance less than two weeks after submitting my manuscript, so I did some research, read all the literature on the company's website and compared it to the sample contract, and after a short period of soul-searching (a very short period, as it turns out) I felt it was in my best interests NOT to accept the company's offer.

I don't like being overly critical, especially in print, even though most of you know I do enjoy a good debate. So if anyone would like to see for themselves why I chose to pass up the (admittedly legitimate) offer to have my work published, just check out this link: http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/104/ripoff0104646.htm

Thanks for all your encouragement anyway.

The road is long, with many a winding turn...we'll get there. We'll get there. (From: He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother)

Book Update: The Cautious Triumph of Possibility

Well folks, it's official: today I received an offer to have my novel The Heart of the Graystone published. I received a contract and an offer of a (miniscule) advance from a small independant publisher. The funny thing is, I am not all that excited about it.

I must say that my initial reaction is one of skeptisism (or is it pessimism?). Years of self-doubt, piled up inside me like so much refuse in a land fill, refususes to allow me to think anything but: "It's too good to be true, and this company, like so many other organizations and people and animals I have had to deal with in my life, is going to end up screwing me," (if you'll pardon the expression).

There is a famous Groucho Marx/Woody Allen joke that goes: I'd never want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. For Woody, it was the key joke in his romantic life in Annie Hall, and I have the sinking feeling it may be the key joke in my all-too-real life (the Greek chorus representing powers and principalities laugh mockingly in the background, for they seem to be once again winning a battle against this Lilipute of a man).

I'm the kind of person who has tons of self-confidence in things with which I am well versed, but when it has come to venturing out and breaking new ground in my life, I've always been a bit timid. Is this normal? I'd like to think I'm not that different from other folks in this area of life, but having only lived this one life, (that I am aware of) I can't say for sure.

Anyway, I'll be spending the next few days in deep thought and contemplation on my decision, and reading all the fine print in the contract, hoping I'm bright enough to decipher the legalese and detect any financial landmines that so many disreputable companies seem apt to plant deep in the jungle of their offer.

Maybe it would be better if I looked at the bright side. In a few years I may be fabulously wealthy, famous, and rubbing elbows with other great pop figures of our time...like William Hung and Kato Kalen. You just never know.

The Judas Connundrum

Is Judas in heaven?

He sinned a terrible sin. But one that Jesus knew he would commit well before Judas ever had to face it himself. And Jesus accepted it, did nothing to prevent it, because he knew it was a necessary part of what must happen for him to make his sacrifice for us all. Shouldn't that include forgiveness for Judas' sin of betrayal as well?

What about Judas' suicide? Some say this is an unpardonable sin, because once it is committed there is no chance for the sinner to repent from it. But Jesus himself said that there was only one unpardobable sin: grieving the Holy Spirit. And as the day of Pentecost had not yet occured, (the day the Holy Spirit descended into the world), how could Judas have grieved that which had not yet come into the world?

Today, we assume the Holy Spirit is among us, so now if a Christian commits suicide, one could very well make the case that suicide is an unpardonable sin. But is the act itself "grieving" the Holy Spirit? This is a line in the bible I've always struggled with understanding. I've heard many explanations as to what it means exactly, though I'm afraid none of these explanations seem to make much sense to me. The closest I've come to understanding this sin is this: We accept the Holy Spirit into our lives, but do not listen to it. But even if we do listen to it, are we not still just human? Still sinners? Perhaps grieving the Holy Spirit is a sin of degree, a kind of bean counter's sin, that some angel must keep track of in order to mete out the treasures of heaven to those who grieved the Holy Spirit the LEAST amount of times. But it is still "unpardonable." In the strictest sense, this could mean that ANYONE who sins after the Holy Spirit has taken up rescidence in their heart, will NEVER see the glory of Heaven.

That's heavy. Because if it's true, Heaven will be sparsely populated indeed. Based on this theory, and in my guestimation, there might only be one human there: Jesus himself. Is that why he came? To be alone in heaven with his father?

I don't think so.

So here's what I've come to conclude:
1. Judas was forgiven both his sin of betrayal and his sin of suicide. After all, his suicide was a mark and result of his repentance from the first sin.

2. That grieving the Holy Spirit may mean something completely different than the explanations I've heard, or the one that I believe it means. Unless of course, we are all condemned to everlasting seperation from God (often known as hell). This I don't buy. So basically, this is still a profound mystery to me.

3. Suicide is not necessarily an unpardonable sin. If one takes one's own life in selfish despair, or wanton disregard for one's soul, or to escape some worldly troubles, then perhaps it is unpardonable (how should I know? I'm not God). On the other hand, if it is done to spare others from troubles, to relieve the suffering of others, or done as a rash act of contrition, then perhaps God can forgive it, if we have led an otherwise Godly life. After all, since Jesus knew well beforehand that he was going to die at the hands of the Romans, but did nothing to prevent it, could this not be viewed as a sort of suicide? I know that sounds terribly blasphemous, I don't mean it to, but it's a fact I find difficult to ignore.

In the end, none of us can possibly know EXACTLY how God will judge us or our actions. All we can do is our best. Unfortunately, as flawed human beings, born in to the sinful flesh, our best will never be good enough for God.

That's why I believe he'll do more to forgive us (most of) our sins, otherwise He'll be very lonely in eternity.